Alexandra and Amsterdam

Matt moved back to California in 2009 or 2010, and with Justin out of my life, my little friend group collapsed. Though I had a few work friends, I no longer had any close friends nearby. I was still lonely. But I decided to begin praying for a close friend, a “daily.” I wanted a friend in my city who I could either see, text, or talk on the phone daily. I didn’t know how I would find her but I thought the least I could do was pray.  

It was around this time that I started to look for hiking groups. My life still felt pretty isolated, pretty much consisted of home and work, and I was feeling like I needed to get out a little more. There was a megachurch in the area that happened to have a hiking group that met regularly for treks in the mountains. This is where I met Alexandra, a woman who would quickly and easily become one of my nearest and dearest friends, my “daily.” Making friends as an adult can be hard and take a long time, sometimes a very long time. It usually takes me years to cultivate a close friendship. No joke. Even after therapy, I was still so closed off. But with Alexandra, we just clicked. We were both looking for a good friend, we both had been praying for a good friend, and we both ended up in this hiking group.  

Our friendship was forged on hikes, on rocky mountain trails and snow-packed peaks. One of our very first hikes together was hiking Mt. Audubon, a 13er in the Indian Peaks Wilderness, outside Boulder. A beautiful but long hike. She was so easy to talk to. I think I told her my whole life story during that hike (okay, not all of it), even told her about my struggles with loneliness and isolation.  

Alexandra was a connector, one of those people who is gifted at merging her different friend groups together. She began inviting me to different events with her work friends, church friends and random friends. We began hanging out more and more, and eventually, we became roommates. No, I didn’t fall in love with her (although she is pretty cute). She was just the “daily” I had been praying and longing for. For the first time in ten years, I was living with someone. For the first time in ten years, I felt less lonely. I loved having her around, even if we were just watching tv. She brought laughter and joy into my little life.  

In 2013, we planned a trip to the Netherlands to visit one of her good friends. We were there a little over a week, zipping to Amsterdam, Belgium, and France. We stayed for several days at her friend Jessica’s luxury apartment in Amsterdam overlooking one of the many canals. Jessica was an American and her company had sent her to work in Amsterdam for a couple of years.  

Just before we left for our trip, I had been introduced to a woman at a party and had developed a crush on her. Here I was in charming Amsterdam, on a different continent with an ocean between us, and I could not stop thinking about this woman I had just met back in Colorado. I felt out of kilter and a little bonkers. I wanted to talk about her, to tell my friends I had just met this great woman (like I would have if I had just met a man). Whac-a-mole was on! The harder I worked to beat down the moles, the more agitated I became. 

Then one night out of the blue, Jessica suggested we do something called listening prayer.