Women’s Group

Fast forward a couple of years. 2015. Alexandra invited me into her Bible study. I’ve never been much of a fan of Bible studies. As I mentioned earlier, I have been an intermittent churchgoer. I began to buy into the excuse I always told people when asked if I attended a church: Churches are for families, single people get lost in the crowd so I just stay away.

And, of course, the LGBTQ+ issue was ignored in a lot of churches. Don’t ask. Don’t tell. I lived in no man’s land. Single. Gay. No place for me. 

I had gone to an evangelical megachurch off and on after college and had been in a couple Bible studies, for about a minute, since that time. They always seemed so surfacy. Prayer requests were about kids and grandparents and friends…anything to avoid getting real and vulnerable about our own lives. 

To be fair, I also have never been a joiner. To. My. Detriment. No doubt, I was shaped and influenced as a child by evangelical Christianity. While this influence continued into my adulthood, I have maintained a very off again/on again relationship with church attendance and participation. 

So, when my dear friend Alexandra invited me to join her Women’s Group (WG), I hedged. I knew this was no superficial group. This was a group that studied the Bible, the actual Bible, studied it and talked about it and applied it to their lives, and also prayed for one another! WG was a group of five women that had been meeting for over 15 years. They were the real deal. They knew each other’s shit: had been through cancer, addiction, marriage, divorce, babies, ups and downs and “loving conversations” with each other (their euphemism for confrontations and arguments). I was being invited to step into a circle of women, who not only had been through so much together, but also expected me to jump in and get real.  

And that wasn’t even all of it. This group included Sarah, my old therapist.

Yep. Uh-huh. Yes.

The one who knew my BIG DARK secret. I know the Christian world is small but really? That Sarah knew all about me and still was okay with me being in her group was huge affirmation. She must not see me as some miscreant or lost soul. But still, I hedged. How could I be authentic and real with them when I had this secret? Would Sarah slip and let it out? How could I act normally around her? I would feel SO exposed.  

I told Alexandra I needed to think about it. But I felt a prodding, a tug, a pull, something that was telling me to join.

God?

I had a sense this group would force me out of my comfort zone, might demolish the wall I had put up around me, and I knew deep down that this was exactly what I needed. But still. A few days later I received an email from Sarah letting me know that if I joined the group, our relationship would be shifting, ending our counselor/client relationship (even though she had not been my therapist in years). If I needed to see a therapist in the future, it would have to be with someone else. And she also assured me that regardless if I joined or not, she would always keep confidential what we had talked about in our sessions. Sold! Her email pushed me over and I said yes!  

I started attending in March 2015.

And it changed my life.

Not immediately. But, for the first time in my life I had this spiritual group that studied the Bible with me, prayed for me, and supported me. WG, little by little, gave me a sense of community and belonging that I had been missing for so long. Something began shifting in me. 

When I joined, they were studying the Book of Luke. I have struggled to read the Bible on my own. I thought it was a bit laborious and a little boring (prayer came more easily to me than Bible reading) but doing it on a weekly basis with women who made insightful, smart and questioning comments was kinda interesting. And then we started in on the Book of Acts and I was actually studying, going back during the week and reviewing so I could remember what journey Paul was on and where he had been. 

We also prayed for each other every week. I’m afraid in the beginning my requests were superficial… my mother’s friend is lonely, I’d like to lose some weight. Valid but not deep-diving, not addressing the deep needs, desires, and insecurities of my heart. Even this began to change as I grew more comfortable with the group. 

And here’s the last thing. Once a year, the group went on a weekend retreat, usually to the mountains, to focus on spiritual stuff…for study, for prayer, for connection with each other…in short, to go deeper. Usually, they arrived at various times Friday evening, hung out, and started the work on Saturday with two to three sessions where they did spiritual exercises, oftentimes experimenting with something new, and then ended Sunday afternoon. Well, for my first retreat, the group decided that the new thing we would do would be circling. Circling? What is that?

You think listening prayer is weird. Just wait.